Today I had this terrible feeling one that I couldn't shake no matter what I was doing
I thought to myself: Why do I do the things that I do?
I then began thinking of all the things that I do
I think about how I wake up every morning and get ready to hit the daily grind
Ride to work, pass the next 4 hours there then ride back home
I am over simplifying but you get the picture, right?
Nothing in between and what for? Is this really what life has is store for me?
I feel like a stranger in my own skin, nothing like the me I like to remember
The younger me, the Alex who had a reason to smile
Back when the days were worth living and love was worth having
Not the hollow empty me who only goes to and fro
Only enough to get through the daily grind
I never thought that I would be able to go to bed with a stranger
But I do it every night when I finally do get to sleep
I would run and hide from this stranger but he's in my skin
I see him in the mirror, his face so familiar but still not me
It goes on and on but the fact of the matter is simple
I am giving everything I can to get through the daily grind
While I lose myself in my self made madness
I can't stand another day of grind, grind, grind
I could grind my teeth to dust and still not be done
But the grind rolls on and on and tomorrow I will be at it again... I hope...
3 comments:
Alex... I must say, I too have felt like this. Do you know what got me out of it? Good friends and good times. You can ask my dad. Down in Arizona, I was a zombie. Stuck in a rutt and the same old routine day in day out... I no longer had the fire in my eyes or my heart that I once had... I didn't have the life inside me. Once I returned to Sacramento, I reunited with my past. I reunited with old friends, old faces that my new self would have barely recognized. But after a bit of time, and after a few nights of raising hell like old times, I had returned to my old self. That's actually how I started to write my book. I had the ability to write and express myself in ways that I haven't in a long time. You can start slow, take a different, longer route home from work... you would be surprised how much a slight change in the exterior can have a huge change for the interior... and remember... smile :)
Thanks Bildo. You really have a way with words. So I was just thinking of ways to change it up too. I need to get out of my house again. Francisco and I have been hanging out but I still fell like you put it like a "zombie". Well I will keep on smiling and writing
The pen and paper have always been my best weapons for getting out of that rutt. Now more like keyboard and screen but none the less. Words are the ways of clear and complex expression of your deepest and darkest thoughts. Use them, and let them use you.
Let them take you places, places not even your body can go.
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