Tuesday, November 22, 2011



When the Magician appears in a spread, it points to the talents, capabilities and resources at the querent's disposal. Depending on the card's placement in relation to other cards, the message is to tap into one's full potential rather than holding back, especially when there is a need to transform something. There are choices and directions to take. Guidance can arrive through one's own intuition or in the form of someone who brings about change or transformation.[6]

The card can mean that a manipulator is floating around, usually if it's reversed. He may be a beneficent guide, but he does not necessarily have our best interests in mind. He may also represent the querent’s ego or self awareness. He can also represent the intoxication of power, both good and bad.


According to Arthur Edward Waite, this card signifies the divine motive in man. It is also the unity of the individual being on all planes, and in a very high sense it is thought. With further reference to the "sign of life", i.e. the infinity symbol and its connection with the number 8, it may be remembered that Christian Gnosticism speaks of rebirth in Christ as a change "unto the Ogdoad." The mystic number is termed Jerusalem above, the Land flowing with Milk and Honey, the Holy Spirit and the Land of the Lord. According to Martinism, 8 is the number of Christ.

In other traditions this card can refer to scholarly knowledge. The Fool (card 0) has learned something about the workings of the world and now sees himself as powerful. Perhaps the reputation of the Magician is derived from the Fool misunderstanding what is happening while the High Priestess (the next card) is looking back, thinking that the Magician is missing the point of spiritual knowledge.

Basic Tarot Meaning

At #1, the Magician is the male power of creation by willpower and desire. The lemniscate (infinity symbol) over his head indicates the energy of thought. Thus, he draws divine power down from the heavens into his white wand, molds it with that energy of thought, and makes it manifest on Earth (his finger pointing to the ground). This is that most ancient magic to make real whatever he imagines in his head merely by saying it aloud. ("And God said 'Let there be Light!' and there was Light").

Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is often represented by Mercury. Mercury is the planet and god of smooth talkers and salesmen. Also clever with the sleight of hand (Mercury *was* the god of thieves!) and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

The 4 suits before him remind us of the 4 aces, which in the Tarot symbolize the raw, undeveloped, undirected power of each suit. When the Magician appears, he reveals these to you. The tarot reader might well interpret this card as telling the querent that they will be given a vision, an idea, a magical, mental image of whatever it is they most want: the solution to a problem, an ambitious career, a love life, a job.

Thirteen's Observations

If any card in the Tarot is the Tarot, it is the Magician. He's one of the most recognizable cards, always a favorite. He's also the only card in the major arcana that refers to the minors with the "trumps" displayed upon his table. One way to look at them is as ideas that the Magician is offering you. Thus, the card is about getting an idea and finding a way to verbalize it. This is the first step toward making it a reality. Which is why the Magician can indicate a time when one is eloquent and charismatic, clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

Keep in mind, however, that the Magician could be a trickster. If this card represents some magnetic person in the querent's life, they need to make sure that he's or she is a genuine magician, not a con man.

The card can also indicate an interest in certain careers or someone who is already in one of those careers: a scientist, inventor or medical professional. The card also relates to careers where speech and writing is of great importance: salesman, motivational speaker, storyteller, politician, commentator. This might be the querent himself, something the querent wants to be, or someone who was, is or will be in his life.

Most importantly, the Magician card stands for the "reveal" - as in a magic trick. The handkerchief is draped over an empty box, the Magician waves his wand, *presto!*--now there is a dove in the box. The Magician card does the same for the querent--only what it reveals is not birds or rabbits but NEW ideas. Emphasis on NEW. When the Magician card appears, the querent is likely to say: "Now there's an idea! Why didn't I think of that before?" Truth is the querent probably had that idea in his head all along. The Magician merely revealed it to him, allowed him to verbalize it and crystallize that idea. But what will the Querent do with this idea? That's a question for the next card....

Monday, October 24, 2011

The Network grows one by one

I am a writter.
I am a writter.
I am a writter.
I am a writter.
I am a writter.
I can write.
I can write.
I can write.
I can write.
For the past year and a half of my college carrier Ive felt like Ive the pen in my hand has grown motionless with fear of the white page and lines. Today after meeting up with a fellow AB540 student at Sacramento State, I am reminded that we are in it for the long run. "Writing is my legacy" Mallory Fites. I look up a few articles for how to get rid of writers block and one of the suggestions included write for 10minutes non-stop even if you begin to write gibberish.

I am working on a paper analyzing the WITCH Manifesto of 1968. The tree points that I want to make are that the Manifesto form of paragraph and structure follow the goddess cycle of education, healing, and empowerment. The fist paragraph talks about the word WITCH and its historical and reclaimed meaning for that time in history. The next paragraph begins the healing with words of hope and truth to heal the centuries of weight from centuries of oppression. As humans we are born into cycles of oppression that were in place before we ever set foot on this earth. Our parents lived vidas in societies that perpetuated the patriarchal practices that greece the engine of institutionalized oppression. The third paragraph concludes with words of empowerment. The document presents a cycle which is a very important part of feminist perspective. As goddess we resemble fertility and the renewal of life, transformation, and growth. We give birth to life and our bodies transform like the seasons.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Signed IN PROTEST

May 2, 2011

As part of the Sac State Four I was face with disciplinary allegations for violation of Campus Policy and Violation of Fed and State Local Law- this is under Title 5 of the California Code of Regulations. When we asked who had filled the charges we could not be told according to Leonard Valdez. It was really difficult for me to sign this, I feel that our advisers weren't all there- I am still not a step ahead because all I had was the gut feeling that was holding my blue pen back. The collective is what leads when the emotions and reasons of the leader are aligned. Olgalilia said its just a verbal warning, that will be the best you would come out with from a hearing. Its just a "slap in the hand".

I dont understand this logic. No one ever got slaps on hand in my house- you got beat. It began with fear- and the energy than lead to the thinking of where the leather belt was kept, and than you flashed forward to his eyes.

Los ojos de cansansio, los ojos de dolor, los ojos de miedo, los ojos de tierra ajena. Todo funsiona con energia- positiva negativa. Viene de trabajo de manos- manos de trabajo con tierra y cemento. Manos de trabajo que construlle, levanta, alsan y transforman. Esas mismas manos de trabajo, so manos de amor, de carisias de cuidado. Tu hijas te nesesitan- eres el hombre de nuestra vida. Por favor ablame no me golpes, por favor acarisiame no me ignores, por favor cuidade y recuerda que el cuidado que me des hoy sera el cuidado que yo dare manana.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Because its time


April 2 2011 connection for transition

Its been 3years of itrospection and searching deep for true meaning. Im 21 and I predict 2 years for reconnection and transition. I trust the process of life.

Introspection is the self-observation and reporting of conscious inner thoughts, desires and sensations. It is a conscious mental and usually purposive process relying on thinking, reasoning, and examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and, in more spiritual cases, one's soul. It can also be called contemplation of one's self, and is contrasted with extrospection, the observation of things external to one's self. Introspection may be used synonymously with and in a similar way to human self-reflection. It is used greatly as a spiritual examination.

Introspection is like the activity described by Plato when he asked, "…why should we not calmly and patiently review our own thoughts, and thoroughly examine and see what these appearances in us really are?"

Monday, March 28, 2011

Forward Movement

Looking down I can see the road that I am on

And I stand firm again on my two feet

Though still unsure of my footing

I look back and I see the road that I have already traveled

Lined along the edges with the pain of my memories

And abounding with tell tale signs of all my mistakes

Places where I veered off the road or crashed head on with disappointment

I look back and I am surprised I made it even this far

With tears threatening with their sting to flow from my eyes

I can say I survived and I I can finally turn around and face the future

I look forward and I see the road that lies ahead of me

Unfamiliar and uncharted

Taking my next steps I can’t help but wonder just where I will end up

Because I know I’ll never be here again

Good Monday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW08Rc802MQ


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1C2gCXo4Gs


What I found today in NPR!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Cesar Chavez Marcha 2011

Despues de leer este articulo en El Chronicle titulado "10 Tips on How to Write Less Badly" que la professora Elvia Ramirez compartio en el facebook tuve que parar de limpiar y ponerme a escribir..."escobita nos vemos en unos minutos"

El 26 de Marzo fui a La Cesar Chavez marcha en apoyo de derechos estudiantiles y trabajadores. El dia anterio me quede despierta asta las 6am con mis hermanas, nos que preguntan que si nos gusta bailar...que si no...mmhumm!

A las 10am empeso la marcha,llegando a las 10:10am como es usual de las Lopez, nos metimos a Arteagos y nos compramos un desalluno no apto para deabeticos- barritas de freza con un Frech Vanilla por que despues de meter el vazo mediano bajo del button para el MEXICAN HOT CHOCOLATE nada mas me salio agua irviente y gris por las borbujillas de aire.


Caminamos 5.85 millas de Arteagos Supermarket (N Market Blvd, Sacramento, CA 95834) la Plaza de Cesar Chavez. Esta trallectoria para mi fue una de refleccion personal y consiensia de valores-"Por que ni el aire o viento para el movimiento!"

Enfrente de el banner de Dream Develop Do estava Natomas Middle School. Ellos eran un grupo de estudiantes muy diversos por los rasgos aparentes de la nariz, ojos, y color de pelo. Enfrente avian dos mujeres lideres de canto pequeñas de estatura y ojos de valor. Se mirava un grupo muy unido que como Dream Develop Do un grupo joven, entendemos el balor de la educacion y la importancia de participar en preservar esa oportunidad para todo joven y nino/a de esta nacion. Este dia no solamente es un dia de "paraid" sino tambien de activar gente a la causa de un hermano, Cesar Chavez, que conosia el valor de ser humano.


Admiro a su advisor, Goya Gutierrez una mujer con conosimiento en la practica de revitilizar ezperanza dia tras dia. Con siete meces de embarazo camino lado a lado con los estudiantes.

Lo que sigue

Sacramento's "We are ONE"
Save the date APRIL 4th


Monday from 5-7pm
Cesar Chavez Plaza Park
10th and Ist
Sacramento


On April 4th 1968, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated in Memphis, where he had gone to stand with sanitation worker demanding their dream: The right to bargain collectively for a voice at work and better life.

Like Dr. King, Cesar Chavez- who was born March 31st inspired a generation through his tireless advocacy for workers rights.

Today, the same demand Dr. King and Chavez inspired echoes across America. It's the demand of all people-regardless of race: The right to join together for our common dreams.

Come to this gathering to get informed about the movement of workers in Wisconsin, Ohio, India, and dozens of other states where well-funded, right wing corporate politicians are trying to take away the rights Dr. King and Chavez dedicated their lives for. It’s a time to show movement. A time to be creative, but clear.


For more information please contact Zak Ford at the Sacramento Laboe Council at 916-927-9772 or zak@sacramentolanor.org

Friday, March 18, 2011

Stranded

Feeling lost I am stranded

On some lonely deserted island

At the edges of sanity

I find it rather uneventful

The repetitive seas forever lapping at the shores of my reality

Waiting in futility for that message in a bottle

But none will ever come here

No reaches me

I watch as days die in countless numbers

I have seen the sun give birth to light in the east

I have seen it die in the west

Though they pass by in endless procession

Days never change and end all the same

Beached on the sands of seeming tranquility

I resign myself to the endless rhythm of the waves

Crashing against my paradise turned prison

I know no other place

Endless

My thoughts are much more complicated that I like them to be

As I lay in my bed at the end of a long day sleep is the furthest thing from my mind

And definitely not what I do, in futile and fruitless attempts I close my eyes

I try to blank out everything else, remove everything from my mind and finally let go

Letting go never seem so hard, like letting go of the handle bars on my bike

Or letting of the breath that I hold, not sure if it would be my last

I can do it until I am blue in the face but holding on is much more painful

I exhale, slowly, Inhale deeply, but to no avail, my mind, my emotions always win

I can't seem to ever get anything right, not even sleep

I long for the bliss of darkness, I'd surround myself in it, embrace it if I could

Were that I was not afraid of what might reside behind my eyes

The long nights filled by, filled by

Of all things absence

I long for something to fill it but I don't think I will ever find it

No, at least for a night I want the search to end, I want to put a stop to the loneliness

But I will lose what's left of my sanity if I keep trying to find it

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Stranger in Stranger Clothing

I am a stranger in stranger clothing

Wishing only to fade away from the forefront of attention

I shy away from the cold unblinking stares of strange passersby

I turn my music up to high and my defenses even higher

I am a stranger in stranger clothing

I morph my outward appearance to blend in

I alter my speech and add and delete words from my vocabulary

Though you would never know it, I’d die for you to notice

I am not just another stranger on a bus I live I breathe I struggle every day

Just like you so take a look and tell me what you see

A stranger in stranger clothing or a reflection of yourself

It's... Nothing...

I come to bed hoping sleep’s embrace might just take hold of me tonight

But instead I come to bed and I find an ice cold bed of loneliness

Its not the dark that I fear anymore it’s the thoughts that race and pace around inside my head at night

Those day long slivers or repetitive thought

Day long slivers of repetitive thought

It’s not being able to get you out of my head

It’s like you flip a switch somewhere deep inside me

Because every time I see you my brain goes numb and my hearts beat grows ever louder

I feel it in my chest this tightening of my rib cage, shortening of my breath, a quickening of my pulse

It’s the deafening of my ears, the blinding of my eyes, blotting out everything but the sight and sound of you

It’s something that at times can be inexplicable, and at others actually quite predictable

Its the loneliness I fear the thought that I might never be able to hold you in my arms

And its not being able to tell you a single word of this

Away

Let us for just one night, tonight forget about everything in this crazy mad world

Forget about all the problems we face each day

Yours and mine included

Let’s slip away from all the bullshit

Withdraw from a world of negativity and escape to one of blissful unawareness

Or should I say singular awareness, it’s only you

Yes I’ll be there too like I’ve always been

Come with me let us just be

I could not ask for more than your presence

Where ever we end up sure as hell won’t matter at least not tonight

Escape with me this world will never bind us to it’s self-destruction

Come, let’s get away, so what do you say?

Nonsense

Closed eyes

Opened ears

Floating away on soundwaves

Feeling the rhythm

Pouring into my skull

The reverberation of bliss

Bouncing off of my skull

Rebounding in force

Colliding madly with my conscious

Melding seamlessly with every fiber of my being

Close my eyes

See it all flash by

Intoxicating sound

Perfect picture

Closed eyes

Opened ears

Open heart

Bleet Out

Forever cursed by possession of a heart that never knows waiting

For having a heart foolishly driven

To falling in love

For attempting to contain in lines of verse

More emotion than it can ever hold

Cursed heart left to bleed out

From with in this hollow chest into pools of words

Piled high, waiting to be fit into place

Desperate to know their placement upon pages

Upon these paper thin defenses

Defenders against insanity

Liberators of thought

Remainder of emotion

Placed perfectly on a lined canvas

Brilliant red stains on pale white pages

Some Love

Fly me to the moon but don’t fly me back

I want to wake up every day and see the world

Gaze upon it and marvel wonder where you sleep tonight

I am afraid to get any closer for fear I’d fall right back down to earth

Pulled back down by the hand of love

Never seen

But always felt

Tugging pulling

Planted firmly on almost alien soil

Standing unimaginably far

But still fearing you’ll get too close

Friday, March 4, 2011

Back to Blogging...

Ok... I guess as many people realized, a blog is set up to help get what is on your mind out in the open and organized... I haven't really been doing that lately... I have been on here posting about music and playing up my book... I have been neglecting the entire reason I needed a blog... so back to blogging...

Have you ever had the feeling that your life has been slipping out of your grasp? Like you are slowly starting to slip away from yourself and spin wildly out of control? It always tends to happen when you are flying at your highest point, almost like it's God's way of keeping you grounded saying "you are no angel, you don't deserve to be up here yet..."

Why does it happen like this? why is it that we only lose control when everything is going good? Is it because we let our guards down? Do we just assume that just because things have been going our way for this short period of time that we are now invincible? My God aren't we the ignorant ones?

Why on Earth would we be invincible? Why would we even be given the free will to believe that we are? Why can't we just live with reasonable goals and expectations of life and not get all hot and bothered every time fate decides to swing in our favor? Because as humans we desire to have things our way. As people in our culture, we all feel like we are entitled to everything that we want. And every time that things start to go our way, we forget the struggle, the heartbreak, the hardships, the fighting... all that it took to get the first scrap of what we deserved...

That first scrap is the only part that is appreciated. The rest is all assumed to be a given. "The world is mine because I got something that I wanted." WRONG! We need to appreciate things that happen to us, good or bad, for what they are. They are rewards or challenges. We must never stop fighting to get what we want, yet we must cherish what we receive as a result of our struggle.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Timepieces [of my heart]

When I said that I could only ever give you time I meant it

In more ways than one, so here you go take all the time you need

My one and only wish is that you don’t forget me as it ticks away at the lives we lead

Though, as I speak this I know it’s too late for this as well…

Still I won’t forget you, not now, nor anytime soon but not for lack of trying…

I know now that I ran short on time oh so long ago

So just take it with you, rest assured you leave me with none of it

And with my heart in pieces

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

In the Rain.

This is dedicated to a very special person.

I haven’t known you for very long, as a matter of fact, we haven’t even met.

But there is something about you that I can feel through the screen as I read your raw emotions coming through the post, messages, and rants.

It raining here in California, and its clear skies where you are yet somehow I feel like the rain drops that are falling on my rooftop are the tears that I can’t wipe away from your face because of the distance.

Sitting outside, I can hear the rain come down and tell me your sorrows and I can’t feel anything else but helpless knowing that there is really nothing I can do for you.

They say that it’s good for a person to cry because it “resets” your chemicals in your body allowing you to feel better than you did before you cried.

I want you to know that I will be here for you if you need someone there to talk to. I want you to know that you are a very amazing person and there are people out there in the world that love you and will forever continue to LOVE YOU!

No matter the distance, you can always look up at the sun (with glasses of course) the moon, the stars, and even the clouds, and know that no matter what we see, we are both under the same sky.

All my heart,

Francisco

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Music

There are very few albums these days that we can listen to all the way through without skipping songs. Most modern albums (and a few of the classics) that you can tell the artist had a few songs that they knew could be hits, but needed more songs as filler to make a full album. I have a list of a few albums that I can listen to all the way through without skipping a single song because they are all quality songs.

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out - Panic! At the Disco

This is an amazing debut CD and I have listened to it front to back many times. I think the reason that this is such a wonderful album is because the style of music that they were producing was unlike almost anything that we have ever heard.

Chroma - Cartel

Another great album. This is almost like a concept album, considering that it is in the form of an old vinyl album, it even starts with the sound of a record being started. Also it loops certain parts of different songs into other songs (hooks, lyrics, etc). My only critique of this album is that a lot of the songs do sound similar, although this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is slightly reminiscent of older albums where you could tell which album a song was off of because almost all songs were in the same style.

In Love And Death - The Used

This album has a wide variety of song style on it. From the "in your face" heavy songs to the slow melodic style and even a bit of "screamo." It is the variety and also the writing that make this such a wonderful album to me. The writing (lyrically) really comes from the heart. There are quite a few songs on this album that everyone can listen to and really feel what the artist is saying.

The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance

All in all a very solid album. I think this is one of the greatest albums of the last 10 years. It also is a concept album, though this one follows a certain storyline. Beautifully written, wonderful melodies and hypnotic hooks make this one that you can not only want to listen to it from beginning to end but also put it on repeat.

Warning - Green Day

Anyone who knows me would wonder whats wrong with me if I didn't have a Green Day album on here. Warning is honestly the only Green Day album that I can still listen to beginning to end. Again this has so much variety in it. Not so much in the song styling, but in the instruments used. They introduce a few different instruments in a few different songs and it really fits with their "pop punk" style.

When Your Heart Stops Beating - +44

This album by Blink 182 alumni Travis Barker and Mark Hoppus really caught me off guard. I had been a huge fan of Blink and Tom's side projects (Angels And Airwaves and Boxcar Racer). However this surpassed any Blink or side project album that I had heard. The song writing and the music were crisp, clean and different. Honestly, unless you know Mark's voice, you really would know that this band was associated with Blink 182 in any way.

I am sure that there are more that I am missing, however these are the only ones that I can think of at the moment. If you have not heard these albums I would encourage you listen to them (either buy or download or however you get your music).

As a musician myself, I have noticed that variety is a key to a well written and great album. I shall keep that in mind while I work on my music.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Park Bench

Spending this gloriously beautiful day on a park bench

With little more than thoughts for company

I bask quietly in the soothing warmth of the sun

As the shadows of looming trees crawl ever so slowly across green grass

A gentle breeze rolls through my private meadow lightly caressing my cheeks

It reminds me that my lips were chapped by fiercer winds no more than two days prior

Closing my eyes I can hear an entire symphony filled with the laughter of a child, tweets and chirps of young sparrows and the ever distant sounds of the city

Times slows down as thoughts circle, revolving around this, my lonely reverie

From my park bench I escape from this, from that and everything in between

The world from this perspective never seemed so serene

Like staring into the eyes of your lover no one else knows the delight of my park bench

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Untitled

How do I love you,

Let me count the ways…

1.

2.

3.

…wait…fuck this shit…matter of fact I don’t even like math anyways.

Its not like you actually paid attention to the complicated formulas I had to use to try and solve the equation that was your love.

I tried substituting things about me so that hopefully that small spark you once felt would multiply but I only ended up dividing myself so much that I became less than zero.

Now, no matter how much I try to add something to what is left of me, I cant seem to come up with anything but a negative photograph of what used to be a positive image of myself.

I guess I should have payed more attention in math class.

Maybe then I wouldn’t be so lost in this plane.

Maybe our lines would have crossed.

But sometimes, the beauty of points and lines, is that they don’t ever have to touch to make sense.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Counting Sheep (Revival)

There’s one voice that I remember
Two eyes I lost myself in
Three words I forgot to say
Four minutes after I saw you before I said another word
This is worse than counting sheep
I’m counting up, I still can’t sleep…
Five time that I was close enough to smell your hair
Six different shades of red that I turned as soon as I saw you found my most embarrassing picture
Seven times I kicked my friends for exposing my picture
Eight time a day that I spaced out thinking of you…
Ahh, how I remember the days of that summer and how I find myself thinking of you every now and again…
Nine times a day I froze up because your hands would graze mine
Ten, the number of times my friends made fun of me because they knew how I felt…
I’m still awake because you’re gone…
Eleven times I’d repeat the saddest song…
I’ll try again and start back at one…
One chance I wish I could have
Two hands I should have held in mine
Three words I should have said…
I love you…

Roses (Unedited Revival of crazy old poetry)

I got a rose the other day
I got a rose for you
I searched for you and you I did not find
The rose I held was for nothing then, was it not?
I held the rose, so beautiful in my hands, as it dies
It’s life slowly fading away even as I look at it
It’s dying, falling apart, it dies even as I behold its beauty

Yesterday I got yet another rose
Another rose for you
Again I searched for you but this time you I did find
The one rose I found for you nothing in comparison to the bouquet you held
What I wouldn’t give to be a petal upon a rose in your bouquet
That I might be so close to your heart

Today is such a beautiful day, and another beautiful rose
The rose I found today will surely be of better use
Than all the ones I found before
Today I’ll search until I find you and proclaim my love for you
And if this rose doesn’t find it’s way to you
I’ll try again tomorrow

Tomorrow is another day and still another rose
Yes, another rose will come tomorrow
And with another rose there comes another chance
Another chance that I might say the words I held inside my heart
These words I’ve held for so long it huts me not to speak
I let out a thunderous cry to break the silence

Everytime I see your face the sun shines a little bit brighter
The rays of light touch your face so gracefully
When you smile the weight of the world seems to lift up
The weight of the world seems to fall off of my shoulders
A smile from you completes my day and melts my heart

I want to tell you that I care and that I will be there for you
I want to let you know how I feel about you
I want to say these words but how I feel goes beyond words
I want to show you, kiss you and hold you
Take my rose today and expect one tomorrow and everyday after

To catch your eye is al I wanted
To capture your heart, my only desire
To kiss your lips, my ultimate fantasy
To hold you in my arms, my only dream
Take my rose and take my heart with you

I miss You [Too]

It seems I no longer exist in the same world as you

Long forgotten in what seems like centuries of loneliness

I move on, one miserable step after the other I just hope that I don’t have to walk too far

Down this long and familiar road it never changes not one pebble ever out of place

I always knew it would end up like this, I will miss you, I already do…

Whether or not I will ever stop is still in question


Poetically Perfect

You know, I consider myself a poet

Sometimes not able to express myself in speech

But available to break down the toughest problems on a single sheet of paper

My pen, at times more dangerous than any weapon of mass destruction.

Ink piercing the darkest abyss of hopelessness with a brightness only another poet could ever understand.

Poetically Perfect.

Friday, February 4, 2011

New post...

Have you ever wondered what someone else was thinking? Have you ever wished that you could read someone else's mind? Why am I asking, I know we all have.

No I wasn't reading your mind when I answered for you, it's just in our nature, we are curious beings. But as a person of the male gender, I find myself in a situation that a lot of guys find themselves in from time to time... "What is she thinking about?"

Us men often find it hard to know a woman's train of thought, though many times they often think that we should know. And before any women read this and try to rebut saying that women often don't know what is going on in a guys mind, many times, its not much, and if there is something going on there, just ask. Most men will have no problem telling you what is on their mind.

Sorry if this seems like a rant, but if I'm not mistaken, that's usually what blogs are made for.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Quick Thought

As the days go by, I have one thing on my mind. Well really it's one person. But that leads me to three more people, then one more. By this point it leads to one abstract idea. That one abstract idea is "family."

I refer to family as an abstract idea because in today's modern culture a family isn't the "nuclear family" that it was even one generation ago. It is no longer the mother, father, children and dog. It is now the children with the grandparents or aunts and uncles or two moms or dads or step parents...

All I know is that one abstract idea, that one nugget in my head that makes my head spin and keeps me awake at night, really makes me happy.

It is really just another day in paradise.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Another Day Another.... Day

I would say another day another dollar but the thing is... I ain't getting paid. This is just a random post because someone was asking my if I was keeping up with my blog. Though it seems that I am the only one keeping up with this blog. Right now my life is amazing. I have a great woman, I am in school, and I have my daughter for two weeks. Right now my daughter is down for her nap, not giving me too much trouble (she's sick so she can be a little cranky) and everything is great. I love life right now... :D

Saturday, January 15, 2011

You

YOU know who you are...

I can't get YOU out of my head...

When I lay down to sleep at night, it is YOU that keeps me awake...

And when I do sleep, I dream about YOU...

What is the point of life without YOU...

I don't know can YOU tell me...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Stuck

This is kinda a freestyle poem... one of my first attempts... hope you like it.

You ever had that one person that you can't get out of your head

The person who comes to you, just bugs you, and won't let you sleep while you lay in bed

That one person that always haunts your dreams no matter how hard you try

But haunt gives the wrong idea, the wrong meaning you want them there and you don't know why

They make you feel better, about yourself, your life, just because they're there

And even with them on your mind you don't even know how much that you care

Because you are too caught up in your mind trying to figure it out

How did they get there, why are they there, why can't you get them out

That's when you realize everything that your heart knew before your head

It just comes to you, sings to you, one night while you are struggling to sleep in your bed

You need them there, you want them there it all seems to make sense now

You can't think of the why they are there, the when or even the how

All you know is that without them, you would be incomplete

But eventhough you know, you still can't get to sleep.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

100

According to my "blogger dashboard" this is going to be my 100th post.... so I might as well make it a good one.

Only a couple people on here know who I really am. Frisco and Alex... plus a couple of our readers, for the rest of you I thought I would give you an insight into who Bildo really is.

01. My real name is William.
02. The nickname Bildo comes from a combination of Bill and Mini Waldo.
03. I have a daughter. She means everything to me
04. I play the tenor sax and bass guitar. I also sing.
05. My favorite way to spend a night out is drinks with a few friends at a karaoke bar.
06. I spent almost two years in the US Air Force. I was a fuel system mechanic. I got a general discharge for "failure to adapt to military standards.
07. I have very few "close" friends... but I would do anything for them. And they know it.
08. I am obsessed with music, music has always been a big part of my life.
09. I am kinda tall... 6'4"
10. I have lived in "bad neighborhoods" almost my entire life.
11. I once won an award in junior high for my creative writing.
12. I don't make lists too often so cherish this XD

Last Kiss

This is one of the saddest songs I have ever heard... it is originally from the 50s or so but has been redone a few times... the one I always listen to is the pearl jam version.

Last Kiss

Oh where oh where can my baby be
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road straight ahead
A car was stalled the engine was dead
I couldn't stop so I swirved to the right
I'll never forget the sound that night
The squealin tires the bustin glass
The painful scream that I heard last

Oh where oh where can my baby be
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

When I woke up the rain was pourin down
There were people standin all around
Something warm runnin through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
She lifted her head she looked at me and said
"Hold me darlin just a little while"
So I held her close I kissed her our last kiss
I'd found the love that I knew I had missed
Now she's gone eventhough I hold her tight
I lost my love my life that night

Oh where oh where can my baby be
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

I don't know the reason that this song sticks with me the way it does. It may be because I can get a little sappy when it comes to music. It could be because this song is really sad and I can relate to losing someone you love (though I have never had anyone that I was dating die, let alone die in my arms). But it is one of my favorite songs of all time and if you haven't heard it... you should.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Confessions

I still believe in a fairy tale ending.

Contrary to popular belief I haven’t given up on love.

I absolutely hate this one boy.

This other boy…annoys the shit out of me.

I’m in love.

With a boy.

I have horrible sleeping patterns.

I used to cut.

I don’t believe in marriage.

I’m NOT against marriage or anyone getting married.

I still believe there is some good in the world.

I have a really hard time saying no.

I’m not happy with myself.

I’m new to tumblr. OMG

And on that note.

I’m off…sadly not to bed :/

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Crazy Little Thing Called Like

As I grow older I find myself reminicing of and wishing for the days of old. I miss my high school friends, I miss being the smartest kid in class in junior high...

But one thing that I have noticed over the years, relationships were so much easier in elementary school.

Those were the good old days when if you liked a girl in your class, all you had to do was pass her a little note that said "I like you, do you like me?" Then have the little check boxes for yes and no.

It was so easy, there was no maybe. There was no "I like you but..." There was no "I just got out of a long relationship and am just enjoying being single." There was just yes or no.

You never had to wait for an answer either... I knew a guy who was basically strung along for a month before the girl finally said yes.

Another way it was easier, you didn't need to come up with reasons for why you like someone. You didn't have to tell them how you thought they were smart, funny, pretty, etc... you just liked them and they may or may not like you...

So I am saying this now, I want to bring back the yes or no question. Who's with me?

New Year, New You

Hey everyone... I have been thinking a lot lately about the new year. We are already a week or so in and I can tell that this year is going to be different. Better... knock on wood.

Over the last few years, through life experiences and random people watching, I have noticed a decline in what I like to refer to as common decency and humanity. But since the new year has started to change my thoughts.

Last week I was at the Department of Human Assistance to turn in some paperwork (yes I am a poor white boy on food stamps, I am usually a proud person but I know when to ask for help. So please I don't judge you, you have no right to judge me). But as I was standing in line I saw one of the workers come out of the office area with one of those big pink donut boxes. She took it over and just randomly handed it to someone that was waiting to hear their name. He said thank you and she walked away. Once he opened the box he noticed that it was full with about 2 dozen donuts. Then he did something I didn't expect, he got up and yelled "who wants a donut?" Then he walked over to the people that everyone could really tell was homeless and let them get some first. Then he walked around the entire waiting room handing out donuts, until there was only one left. He then threw the box away, sat down, and ate his donut without another word.

This surprised me, and it really made me feel good to see such a random act of kindness. We should all try to do random acts of kindness from time to time, I know I will be doing more.

Another thing I have been thinking... I saw an interview the other day and a celebrity was asked what her resolution was. She replied with "to be more grateful and to appreciate those that I care about more than I have." This got me thinking, I haven't truly expressed my feelings in a while... so here it goes.

To all of my friends, I really appreciate how all of you are there for me when needed. Especially as of late, Frisco and Alex. Whether it be a night out of debautchery and drinking, or just a chill afternoon with a pizza, you two have really helped me deal with a lot of shit lately. To all of my readers, I would like to thank you. You are one of the major reasons that I write. Of course I do it for me, to get out my frustration, my anger, my stress, my feelings... but I also know how it feels to have a certain piece of work click with me. I write so that I can have people read it and know, "thank god someone else has felt this way." And there is one more person I would like to thank. You are very special to me. I hope you know who you are... thanks for making me write... :)...

Now that I have that out, I hope you all will take what I said to heart. Love your fellow man, and let those you really care about know how you feel. Thank you all.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Don't just see, REALLY look!

Hey yall-Thanks for giving me a little room to share food for thought. Heres piece of mano libre writting- FrEe HaNd writting-no real direction just let that hand flow-if you follow comment and if you dont comment anyway. Gracias.




As I studied the way images have impacted minority communities throughout history it is very clear that it’s not a thing of the past. The way images are delivered is one of the only things that has changed. The change is highly influence by the shift into the digital age and the speed and channels that information delivered. The thousands of images that are bombarded at people though there televisions, cell phones, and computers impact the way they perceive and live through the world.

Gate keepers in large corporations decide what news is worthy and how it should be presented.

When a group of elites decide to frame an issue as it best benefits them, considering they have the resources available to voice their opinion and persuade the general public, their thoughts and initiatives are institutionalize. But if an issue is not defined as problem by those in power in the first place, than there is no need to address it. Native American tribes were displaced and killed as a result of policy passed by those who felt there was an "Indian Problem". Images and news traveled at a slower pase but still reached thousands of people. Westerns portrayed Indians as savage and with the need to be civilized because that what they said was best for everyone but Native Americans had very little input in the decisions made.

In a time of economic crisis and quick change Big Brother takes su prima la Media to dehumanize a group of people as it is easiest to pursue the general public to feel hostile and fear other when their seen as something foreign- when they are not seen as what they are- breathing living people.



What image/s comes to mind when you hear “Illegal Aliens”? People of brown faces, people who take jobs, people who are criminals. These messages have been transmitted through different channels of mass media-but do not reflect reality. I know the undocumented community-and we are far from aliens.

Corporations are using podcast as an additional way to get their message out and other companies have taken up blogging.
The increase of user generated content and the interactive feature of the web is completely changing the way images impact the public for better or for worst. Try to really look when you see.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Red

I can only put so much of my heart into this page before it runs over crimson

But anything less than wholehearted is not in my nature

Give me your all, and in return I will give you all the more for it

For your kindness I will repay you with line after line ruby red on this my songbook

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Love And Marriage

Its amazing what conversations will stick with you, even five years after they happen.

In high school I was rather synical towards what love truly was. To the whole concept of marriage and having a "good life."

What is a "good life?" Is it a wife and kids? A white picket fence? What about a good job?

At the time (and part of me still thinks this) I believed that to have a marriage that was going to last, love was not needed.

Think about it. All you really need is the physical attraction and the ability to live with that person. We all have friends that we know we could probably live with. Add in a physical attraction and it could work.

But the less synical side of me now sides with the friend I had this conversation with. Love is what makes a relationship special. Will true love be there right away? Not in all cases, but that's what dating is for.

A marriage without love may last, it may lead to love... but if the love isn't there, then it won't make you happy.

There are many definitions for what a "good life" is. But I believe that a "good life" is a life full of happiness. Whether you own your house, or rent an apartment. Whether you love your wife, or you settled. Whether you make $100,000 a year or $10,000... as long as you are happy, you will have a "good life."

Storm

The storm, it rages on just outside my window

It rattles and shakes violently, as if to say “Let me in,”

The storm she speaks to me but do I answer her call?

Do I let her in? NO. Instead I will call back to her and say “You let me in”

I rush to the door, reaching slowly for the knob unsure of the consequence

And suddenly, violently the storm calls replies “Only if you promise to get lost within”

My world shakes from her fury and with a half smile I reply just underneath my breath “I already have”

Kill

Why must I always entertain these thoughts in my head

Should they not entertain me? Alas they don’t and instead they torture me

They keep me up in the dead of night, I hold my eyes closed but feigning sleep never works

Never letting up, always building up as if to force their way into being

Bursting forth from my head, shattering my skull and not bothering to put the pieces back

Would that I could kill these thoughts but soon they might be the death of me

Saturday, January 1, 2011

All in Due Time (Or Not)

I thought I would start the new year off right by throwing out a new poem so here it goes...

Late night early morning

Either could be said

The streets are all empty

Can't be said for my head

Thoughts of me of you of us

So many they block my sight

As the sun starts to rise

On this cold winter night

I have said nothing to you

About what's on my mind

But we all shall find out

But all in due time

I say that now but still

I don't believe it at all

I will do as I always do

Keep my mouth shut til I fall