It's... Nothing...

I come to bed hoping sleep’s embrace might just take hold of me tonight

But instead I come to bed and I find an ice cold bed of loneliness

Its not the dark that I fear anymore it’s the thoughts that race and pace around inside my head at night

Those day long slivers or repetitive thought

Day long slivers of repetitive thought

It’s not being able to get you out of my head

It’s like you flip a switch somewhere deep inside me

Because every time I see you my brain goes numb and my hearts beat grows ever louder

I feel it in my chest this tightening of my rib cage, shortening of my breath, a quickening of my pulse

It’s the deafening of my ears, the blinding of my eyes, blotting out everything but the sight and sound of you

It’s something that at times can be inexplicable, and at others actually quite predictable

Its the loneliness I fear the thought that I might never be able to hold you in my arms

And its not being able to tell you a single word of this

Past

Trying to live the best life that I can and no one can say that I am not

I am going to hold on to new light, love and happiness

Letting go of all the the darkness, pain and sorrow that had invaded my very being

Moving on to bigger and better things, I can’t erase the past but only because reality won’ let me

Not that blotting it out would be easy so my time and energy would be better spent else where

And giving up would be too easy and I will never let it get that far

I have nothing to prove to anyone, and I have only myself to be true to

I have got a new lease on life, it ain’t perfect and it won’t be easy

But nothing I ever wanted to achieve would ever be handed to me

I had to fight, struggle and better myself to attain my dreams

To this day I fight for what I know is truth, what I find out of reach

I stretch out my arms reaching for new heights and never looking down

Not because I am afraid of the unimaginable heights but because I know

That which is past me is just that: past, done with… over