Endless

My thoughts are much more complicated that I like them to be

As I lay in my bed at the end of a long day sleep is the furthest thing from my mind

And definitely not what I do, in futile and fruitless attempts I close my eyes

I try to blank out everything else, remove everything from my mind and finally let go

Letting go never seem so hard, like letting go of the handle bars on my bike

Or letting of the breath that I hold, not sure if it would be my last

I can do it until I am blue in the face but holding on is much more painful

I exhale, slowly, Inhale deeply, but to no avail, my mind, my emotions always win

I can't seem to ever get anything right, not even sleep

I long for the bliss of darkness, I'd surround myself in it, embrace it if I could

Were that I was not afraid of what might reside behind my eyes

The long nights filled by, filled by

Of all things absence

I long for something to fill it but I don't think I will ever find it

No, at least for a night I want the search to end, I want to put a stop to the loneliness

But I will lose what's left of my sanity if I keep trying to find it