Ok, I feel like I can be straight with you... eventhough I probably don't know most of the people that read this blog. But that is the wonderful power of annonimity that the interweb provides.
After having a woman to lay next to and be close with for four years, then having it end... well after sleeping alone for a while I am feeling a little lonely...
I have hit the bars, the library, the coffee shops... and either I find nothing but women who are taken, not my type, or I get so nervous and awkward that I can't even talk to them...
I have had little successes... got a couple numbers... but it was just as friends... nothing more...
So I decided to turn to online dating.... (duh duh duuuuuuunnnn)
Honestly... after being on the online dating scene, I have found that women on the online dating sites do one of two things... they either lie, or judge...
I am so tired of going to a woman's profile and seeing the phrase, "I live life to the fullest".... What the fuck does that even mean?
I have had many conversations with women on there... and some had been going very well... or so I thought... then out of the blue... every message I send ends up being shown as "read/deleted"
I am tired of the games and the bullshit of online dating... and I need to get back out there... hit the bars... see what is out there for real... who wants to be my wingman? I will return the favor.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
If I Died...
I sometimes wonder what would happen if I died today. The thoughts that I have aren't about wat happens to me after I die. Honestly I don't know and don't nessicarily care... I will be dead and I wouldn't be able to change it.
My thoughts are about those who are affected by me... and would be affected by my death.
Who would show up to my funeral? Would they cry?
Who would take some of the lessons that I have shared, verbaly or by the way I live my life, and use them for their own lives?
Would some people even care?
Will they still remember me 10 years down the line? 20? 30?
And the biggest one..... Will I be missed?
I would like to think that people who love me, my close friends and family members, will miss me. That they will remember me. That my life lessons that I leave behind: speak your mind, love with all of your heart, and keep those that you love close to you, will be carried on long after I am gone. But I don't know. But until the day comes, I will continue to believe how I believe, and live how I live, hoping to spread my message and share my life.
My thoughts are about those who are affected by me... and would be affected by my death.
Who would show up to my funeral? Would they cry?
Who would take some of the lessons that I have shared, verbaly or by the way I live my life, and use them for their own lives?
Would some people even care?
Will they still remember me 10 years down the line? 20? 30?
And the biggest one..... Will I be missed?
I would like to think that people who love me, my close friends and family members, will miss me. That they will remember me. That my life lessons that I leave behind: speak your mind, love with all of your heart, and keep those that you love close to you, will be carried on long after I am gone. But I don't know. But until the day comes, I will continue to believe how I believe, and live how I live, hoping to spread my message and share my life.
The Daily Grind
Today I had this terrible feeling one that I couldn't shake no matter what I was doing
I thought to myself: Why do I do the things that I do?
I then began thinking of all the things that I do
I think about how I wake up every morning and get ready to hit the daily grind
Ride to work, pass the next 4 hours there then ride back home
I am over simplifying but you get the picture, right?
Nothing in between and what for? Is this really what life has is store for me?
I feel like a stranger in my own skin, nothing like the me I like to remember
The younger me, the Alex who had a reason to smile
Back when the days were worth living and love was worth having
Not the hollow empty me who only goes to and fro
Only enough to get through the daily grind
I never thought that I would be able to go to bed with a stranger
But I do it every night when I finally do get to sleep
I would run and hide from this stranger but he's in my skin
I see him in the mirror, his face so familiar but still not me
It goes on and on but the fact of the matter is simple
I am giving everything I can to get through the daily grind
While I lose myself in my self made madness
I can't stand another day of grind, grind, grind
I could grind my teeth to dust and still not be done
But the grind rolls on and on and tomorrow I will be at it again... I hope...
I thought to myself: Why do I do the things that I do?
I then began thinking of all the things that I do
I think about how I wake up every morning and get ready to hit the daily grind
Ride to work, pass the next 4 hours there then ride back home
I am over simplifying but you get the picture, right?
Nothing in between and what for? Is this really what life has is store for me?
I feel like a stranger in my own skin, nothing like the me I like to remember
The younger me, the Alex who had a reason to smile
Back when the days were worth living and love was worth having
Not the hollow empty me who only goes to and fro
Only enough to get through the daily grind
I never thought that I would be able to go to bed with a stranger
But I do it every night when I finally do get to sleep
I would run and hide from this stranger but he's in my skin
I see him in the mirror, his face so familiar but still not me
It goes on and on but the fact of the matter is simple
I am giving everything I can to get through the daily grind
While I lose myself in my self made madness
I can't stand another day of grind, grind, grind
I could grind my teeth to dust and still not be done
But the grind rolls on and on and tomorrow I will be at it again... I hope...
Things That Keep Me Up At Night
I have the habit, as stated before, of having a restless mind. These are a few things that cross my mind when I am trying to sleep.
Why is it that everytime I try to start a serious conversation, some people just blow me off? Do they not care? Are they even smart enough to hold an intellegent conversation?
If our hair and finger nails continue to grow after we die... a zombie would look completely different from how we knew them.
If a woodchuck doesn't chuck wood, why have the name?
A platypuss is proof that God has a sense of humor.
If Jimmy cracked corn and nobody cares, why is there a song about it?
When we die, how long does it take for a spirit to leave the body? Are you still in there watching the paramedic deliver CPR? If so, I hope I get the hot chick.
I never fully understood the another day another dollar phrase, if you only get a dollar a day your job sucks...
Those are just some random thoughts...
Why is it that everytime I try to start a serious conversation, some people just blow me off? Do they not care? Are they even smart enough to hold an intellegent conversation?
If our hair and finger nails continue to grow after we die... a zombie would look completely different from how we knew them.
If a woodchuck doesn't chuck wood, why have the name?
A platypuss is proof that God has a sense of humor.
If Jimmy cracked corn and nobody cares, why is there a song about it?
When we die, how long does it take for a spirit to leave the body? Are you still in there watching the paramedic deliver CPR? If so, I hope I get the hot chick.
I never fully understood the another day another dollar phrase, if you only get a dollar a day your job sucks...
Those are just some random thoughts...
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I Am Oscar Grant...
I was challenged to write lines, starting with "I am Oscar Grant..." and adding to it every time a video we were watching paused or was interrupted. This is what I got:
I am
Oscar Grant, like
I am,
Liberty Bell cracks,
Like Sean Bell
Clack-clacks,
Ringing in hollowed ear drums
I am Oscar Grant, like
I am hallowed drums
Beating rhythms of life
Into the sunken
Sullen sobs of pops and mom’s
I am
Oscar Grant, like
I am Derrik Jones,
Like I am Malcom and Martin
I am Kendra James
I am Tyisha Miller
I am the millions of quiet voices going violent into the night
Violet and crimson into the earth
Quiet like my birth meant nothing
Like my purpose was to die
Like my purpose was to fight
Like my purpose was to ignite
To burn, to glow, to cause growth
I am Oscar Grant
Like I am the tears
In left behind baby eyes
Like the fluidity in the streets
Hot and liquid
Like I am
The fluidity of movement
Catalyst
Like I am,
The poem, the dance
The song, the chant
You are, as I am,
I am
Oscar Grant.
Johnathen Duran
3:27 pm, November 10th, 2010
I am
Oscar Grant, like
I am,
Liberty Bell cracks,
Like Sean Bell
Clack-clacks,
Ringing in hollowed ear drums
I am Oscar Grant, like
I am hallowed drums
Beating rhythms of life
Into the sunken
Sullen sobs of pops and mom’s
I am
Oscar Grant, like
I am Derrik Jones,
Like I am Malcom and Martin
I am Kendra James
I am Tyisha Miller
I am the millions of quiet voices going violent into the night
Violet and crimson into the earth
Quiet like my birth meant nothing
Like my purpose was to die
Like my purpose was to fight
Like my purpose was to ignite
To burn, to glow, to cause growth
I am Oscar Grant
Like I am the tears
In left behind baby eyes
Like the fluidity in the streets
Hot and liquid
Like I am
The fluidity of movement
Catalyst
Like I am,
The poem, the dance
The song, the chant
You are, as I am,
I am
Oscar Grant.
Johnathen Duran
3:27 pm, November 10th, 2010
AFJROTC
The economy has struck once again. They are now making even more cuts from schools. This time from the ROTC. They are cutting all after school and summer activities from the program. And I believe this is the dumbest move that they can make. As a former ROTC cadet I participated in the drill teams, I took part in all military ball and dining out ceremonies, along with summer leadership and the sports activities (such as softball). Being in those situations I was almost forced to open up socialy. It was because of events, such as military ball, that I have as many younger friends as I do. As a junior, I didn't have classes with sophomores or freshmen, but I had friends in those classes. I had those friends due to drill team, due to military ball, due to dining out. With the emphasis of todays school boards and media being on bullying and self esteem, you would think that they would be doing all they can to create a "team" or "family" atmosphere. But instead they are taking away one of the only things in high school that actually brought underclassmen and seniors together. They can do what they feel they "need" to do, but why make the kids sacrifice a truely integral part of life, the social experiences, the "team" atmosphere, the feeling of belonging?
Toys
"I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toy's R Us Kid"
Who HASN'T seen that commercial?
Personally I have seen it so much that sometimes I can't get that stupid jingle out of my head.
Some people, I think have seen it so much, that it's now been ENGRAVED in their head and they seriously NEVER grown up.
Now ain't that some shit?
These people have gotten so used to not growing up, that they still treat people like TOYS.
New's flash people, its time to grow the fuck up.
I am not made of fucking plastic, (even though some people might have some plastic parts), but I will not be treated like a piece of shit toy you can just play with when you feel like and cast aside when you get bored.
I am worth way more than that $12 bucks you paid for your little action figure.
If you want some action, you need to spend way more than that for me!
Now I'm not just talking money, because I can pay for my own shit, I have a job, I have a home,
what I need you to do is spend more time and effort to make this work.
You are not a Toy's R Us Kid anymore.
It's time to grow up kid.
Much love,
Me
Who HASN'T seen that commercial?
Personally I have seen it so much that sometimes I can't get that stupid jingle out of my head.
Some people, I think have seen it so much, that it's now been ENGRAVED in their head and they seriously NEVER grown up.
Now ain't that some shit?
These people have gotten so used to not growing up, that they still treat people like TOYS.
New's flash people, its time to grow the fuck up.
I am not made of fucking plastic, (even though some people might have some plastic parts), but I will not be treated like a piece of shit toy you can just play with when you feel like and cast aside when you get bored.
I am worth way more than that $12 bucks you paid for your little action figure.
If you want some action, you need to spend way more than that for me!
Now I'm not just talking money, because I can pay for my own shit, I have a job, I have a home,
what I need you to do is spend more time and effort to make this work.
You are not a Toy's R Us Kid anymore.
It's time to grow up kid.
Much love,
Me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)