The Daily Grind

Today I had this terrible feeling one that I couldn't shake no matter what I was doing
I thought to myself: Why do I do the things that I do?
I then began thinking of all the things that I do
I think about how I wake up every morning and get ready to hit the daily grind
Ride to work, pass the next 4 hours there then ride back home
I am over simplifying but you get the picture, right?
Nothing in between and what for? Is this really what life has is store for me?
I feel like a stranger in my own skin, nothing like the me I like to remember
The younger me, the Alex who had a reason to smile
Back when the days were worth living and love was worth having
Not the hollow empty me who only goes to and fro
Only enough to get through the daily grind
I never thought that I would be able to go to bed with a stranger
But I do it every night when I finally do get to sleep
I would run and hide from this stranger but he's in my skin
I see him in the mirror, his face so familiar but still not me
It goes on and on but the fact of the matter is simple
I am giving everything I can to get through the daily grind
While I lose myself in my self made madness
I can't stand another day of grind, grind, grind
I could grind my teeth to dust and still not be done
But the grind rolls on and on and tomorrow I will be at it again... I hope...

Things That Keep Me Up At Night

I have the habit, as stated before, of having a restless mind. These are a few things that cross my mind when I am trying to sleep.

Why is it that everytime I try to start a serious conversation, some people just blow me off? Do they not care? Are they even smart enough to hold an intellegent conversation?

If our hair and finger nails continue to grow after we die... a zombie would look completely different from how we knew them.

If a woodchuck doesn't chuck wood, why have the name?

A platypuss is proof that God has a sense of humor.

If Jimmy cracked corn and nobody cares, why is there a song about it?

When we die, how long does it take for a spirit to leave the body? Are you still in there watching the paramedic deliver CPR? If so, I hope I get the hot chick.

I never fully understood the another day another dollar phrase, if you only get a dollar a day your job sucks...

Those are just some random thoughts...

I Am Oscar Grant...

I was challenged to write lines, starting with "I am Oscar Grant..." and adding to it every time a video we were watching paused or was interrupted. This is what I got:

I am
Oscar Grant, like
I am,
Liberty Bell cracks,
Like Sean Bell
Clack-clacks,
Ringing in hollowed ear drums
I am Oscar Grant, like
I am hallowed drums
Beating rhythms of life
Into the sunken
Sullen sobs of pops and mom’s
I am
Oscar Grant, like
I am Derrik Jones,
Like I am Malcom and Martin
I am Kendra James
I am Tyisha Miller
I am the millions of quiet voices going violent into the night
Violet and crimson into the earth
Quiet like my birth meant nothing
Like my purpose was to die
Like my purpose was to fight
Like my purpose was to ignite
To burn, to glow, to cause growth
I am Oscar Grant
Like I am the tears
In left behind baby eyes
Like the fluidity in the streets
Hot and liquid
Like I am
The fluidity of movement
Catalyst
Like I am,
The poem, the dance
The song, the chant
You are, as I am,
I am
Oscar Grant.

Johnathen Duran
3:27 pm, November 10th, 2010

AFJROTC

The economy has struck once again. They are now making even more cuts from schools. This time from the ROTC. They are cutting all after school and summer activities from the program. And I believe this is the dumbest move that they can make. As a former ROTC cadet I participated in the drill teams, I took part in all military ball and dining out ceremonies, along with summer leadership and the sports activities (such as softball). Being in those situations I was almost forced to open up socialy. It was because of events, such as military ball, that I have as many younger friends as I do. As a junior, I didn't have classes with sophomores or freshmen, but I had friends in those classes. I had those friends due to drill team, due to military ball, due to dining out. With the emphasis of todays school boards and media being on bullying and self esteem, you would think that they would be doing all they can to create a "team" or "family" atmosphere. But instead they are taking away one of the only things in high school that actually brought underclassmen and seniors together. They can do what they feel they "need" to do, but why make the kids sacrifice a truely integral part of life, the social experiences, the "team" atmosphere, the feeling of belonging?

Toys

"I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toy's R Us Kid"

Who HASN'T seen that commercial?

Personally I have seen it so much that sometimes I can't get that stupid jingle out of my head.

Some people, I think have seen it so much, that it's now been ENGRAVED in their head and they seriously NEVER grown up.

Now ain't that some shit?

These people have gotten so used to not growing up, that they still treat people like TOYS.

New's flash people, its time to grow the fuck up.

I am not made of fucking plastic, (even though some people might have some plastic parts), but I will not be treated like a piece of shit toy you can just play with when you feel like and cast aside when you get bored.

I am worth way more than that $12 bucks you paid for your little action figure.

If you want some action, you need to spend way more than that for me!

Now I'm not just talking money, because I can pay for my own shit, I have a job, I have a home,
what I need you to do is spend more time and effort to make this work.

You are not a Toy's R Us Kid anymore.

It's time to grow up kid.

Much love,

Me

Stay With Me

This is a song that I wrote about 4 years ago. I noticed that my posts have been a little dark, so I thought I would brighten the day with a love song.

I can still feel your fingers
As they trace around my hand
I can still taste your lips
They're sweeter that you understand
I love the way you make me feel
Every second I'm with you
When I see you I wonder
If you feel this way too
Days go by
Faster than I can see
Hopin that you will
Be right here with me
Days go by
And we're living free
I'm hoping that you
Will stay with me
Late night conversations
About nothing and everything
Talking, laughing, silence
Saying nothing but everything
Movies, meals, being together
Together for the sake of us
Things seem to be going our way
Things just for us
Days go by
Faster than I can see
Hopin that you will
Be right here with me
Days go by
And we're living free
I'm hoping that you
Will stay with me
Though we aren't together in body
My heart and mind belong to you
I want to see you everyday
All I can think about is you
Time flys by as days turn to night
And I just want to say
I love you

The Tears of a Clown

One of the things that I have faced over the years was being the goofball of the group. And as the goofball, or clown if you will, you are expected to act and be a certain way.

But the question that I raise is what happens when the clown has a bad day? Does he just swollow it down and keep on smiling? Does he take a day to himself and let it out? Or does he *gasp* dare to show his feelings around those who expect different?

The truth is, no one can be happy all of the time. Good times end and shit happens. You can't fight it. But the true test of strength is on whether or not the "clown" can be human enough to actually show their feelings.

But this is not just a test of the "clown's" strength, it is also a test of the strength of the friendships that they have made. Will the others be upset that the "clown" isn't happy? Will they try to help the "clown" get through their problems? Or the biggest of all, will they even notice?