For the one wo took my half heart...

Never thought this was in me but now its here this is for Mai Cha that lying... well I won't call her that but you know what I mean. LOL

Because I have a good nature and a big heart

Its not because I was evil, or had malicious intentions

So much for karma huh? No place for me in the dark

Just cuz, it seems, no real reason for my destruction

No! The universe is not so cruel

We make of it what we can, not the other way around

If I have to ask for the truth then I’m the fool

But I’m not taking this laying down

Power lies with me to make this right

I have to find a better place for you not me

Closest curb in sight

I’m sure that’ll do, it’s plain enough to see

You used to sing me sweetest songs

But now your mouth only furnishes rancor

When did that change? Did it ever? For how long…

Such half-truths, never! You had me in such a fever

Now no second chance will ever do

And now no cure will fix your disease…

Just not...

This one speaks for itself.

I knew it all along I was flawed

No not broken, like the wings of a grounded bird

Flawed by design and not by choice

Looking into the sky for answers

Expecting one to hit me in the face

Leaning far enough to tilt but not far enough to fall

Strong enough to cry just not strong enough to scream

Slipping from day to night, dark enough to see nightmares

Just not dark enough to sleep

Well enough to breathe just not enough to speak

Overwhelmed to the point of suffocation

Feeling that familiar lump inside my throat

The swelling of the tears and the burning of the pain

Emotions running high but just beneath the surface

Anger, agony, guilt, all pain

I will always be the victim of my thoughts

I will always be accomplice to my death

Can’t escape from myself

That kind of freedom is always just outta reach

#28 LOL

I wrote this one like 5-6 years ago or something like that just know it was a SUPER long time ago. I titled it Poem #28. I never gave it an actual title but I still like it.

I can’t hear you over the music blasting in my ears

I only play it loud enough to drown you out

But don’t take it personally I do it when I need space

I am asking you to please step back a few and let me be

Me and my music; I love to sing out loud when no one is around

I can’t even hear myself over the beats that are play in my ear

I can’t tell if I am any good and I know that I can’t hold a note

I really don’t care as long as I am alone with my thoughts

And it’s just me and my music

King or Fool

In class today, we were talking about some Hebrew words.

The word for King, which starts with an L.
The word for Fool (Clown), which starts with an M.

And we were talking about a dream. Where the person was dreaming they were a King of Clowns.

The word for King, like I said starts with an L and then followed by the M,
The word for Fool, stars with an M then is followed by the L.

It was also discussed how the word for head starts with an L then is proceeded by the M,
and how the word for heart, starts with an M then is proceeded by the M,

so it was agreed upon that to be a King, you have to first follow your head, then your heart,
but to be a fool, you follow your heart, then your head.

I guess It would be safe to say, that if the above is true, than I would be the King Of Fools...

oh Philosophy...you intrigue me.

Random Thoughts = This:

Where do you go when your whole world rips itself apart?

When it’s on the verge of collapse?

Is there a place you can go

That can shelter you from the storm?

Is it safe from the flood waters or do you drown in the torrents?

When your world rocks how do you keep in place

All the things that you built

Do let them fall and try to rebuild? Or do you struggle and fight

Just to keep it all alive? I don’t know but here goes nothing

And there will be nothing standing

This is gonna shake you down to the very core

You won’t even know if you can take it anymore

You will feel like I did and maybe even worse

Neither one of us will walk away from this

I will end it before I let it take everything from me

You will see though that there is no end,

No rest, it just goes on and on until all is dead and gone

GPS

Something I wrote because I felt that I was losing my direction and I began writing and this is what came out, I hope when you read this you can relate to it, but mainly just enjoy it.

Life has no direction until you give it one
We are not always in control of life
But we can change its outcome with every decision
We don't get GPS, preprogrammed and ready to go
But that's only because we choose the routes and destinations
We are the mapmakers, the trailblazers and
Some of our friends would call us backseat drivers
Life is exciting, the twists and the turns, the ups and downs
The pins on the map marking each moment, every memory
But because life won’t wait you might just get left behind
So don’t stand around plotting a course Get in, put it in gear and drive

It Gets Better!

This message goes out to all our LGBTQ Youth out there. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

In fact there are a WHOLE BUNCH OF US out here!

I wanted to take this time to introduce myself for those of you who already don't know me. My Name is Francisco A. Gutierrez, I'm 21 years old and gay. Ever since I can remember I was teased and bullied for being different in school. Now as a child, I wasn't aware of the whole sexuality thing but I had always known I was attracted more to the "boys" in my class. So I always hung out with the girls, and for that I was picked on. I was an outcast. Untouchable.

But I never stopped being who I was, never once caved to the demands of the bullies who picked on me telling me I had to be a man and I couldn't be a sissy. Taunts came and went and as the years went on, sadly they started to work on me as well. In 8th grade, Will C Wood Middle school I thought about committing suicide. And had it not been for the support of some of my close friends [STRAIGHT ALLIES] I probably would not be here writing you this letter.

I came out to myself and to everyone else 10th grade in High School and co-founded the first Gay Straight Alliance on my High School campus, all this while still haven't come out to my parents. My High School career ended by a strong leadership role in the Student Government and Technology House in the school and by being the first Openly gay "Wing Commander" for the Air Force Junior ROTC program. With full support from my advisor Chief Sanborn. Thank you Chief, I could not have done alot of things witout your support.

What I'm trying to say is that mo matter how hard it is now. I PROMISE, WE PROMISE! IT WILL GET BETTER!

Much Love, stay safe!

For those of you who feel like you dont have anyone, or if you need a hand. Check out The Trevor Project. Anytime DAY OR NIGHT! TRUST US IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER!