Thinking...again

I seem to be doing a lot of this recently. Go figure hahaha.

Anywho, I've got a new piece I think...or at least the beginning of one.

Estaba pensando, that no matter what happens, or who you're with, you will always think of me. Pensaras en como te puedo hacer sentir, not being able to keep me out of your thoughts you'll smile at him and only you will know that it's not him you're smiling at.

Seguia pensando...seems like I just can't stop thinking, and I realized that I will always think of you too. Pase lo que pase, venga y valla quien quiera, it's still just going to be me and you. And you know, pensandolo bien...thinking it straight, for lack of a better word. I'm o.k. with that.

:)

Thinking

Thinking,

About you.

And about how it doesn't seem like anything is going on.

Yet every time I think of you I can't seem to keep that smile off my face that reminds me that things may seem one way, but in reality they can be going the complete other way.

I don't even know if I miss you or not. I just know that I'm content with the fact that I don't get to see you too often because the days that I do become just that much more memorable to me.

I go to bed, thinking,

thinking about you, and thinking about where this is going to end up.

I fall asleep, not knowing what I am going to wake up to.

But I wake up, thinking,

thinking about you.

This message was sent using picture-talk messaging service from MetroPCS.

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Pachanga! Raza scholarship fundraiser. Tonight @ SOL COLLE sat 13th CTIVE 2574 21st Street. Music & performnaces. 8pm-12am. $5 donation...come and support education!!

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Untitled Thoughts, Aug 23 2007

As I sit and try to sort through the endless emotions running through my being,
I cant help but realize that things will never be the way they used to be.
The smile adorned across your face every time I walked into the room, the softness of your cheek as it lay ever so delicately upon my own.

I sit here, attempting to stop the lonely tear from rolling down my cheek, I remember when we said that we wouldn’t make each other cry, but look at us now, we are both crying once again.
People ALWAYS say things happen for a reason, yet I cant seem to fathom the reality of you being away from me, never to come back into to my forever open arms.

I remember you once told me that the eyes were the windows to one’s soul, I remember sitting in front of you gazing into your starry eyes, looking at the beauty within, seeing for once in my life something other than pretty eyes, but seeing you as a person, looking back at me, and you smiled. And we kissed

I close my eyes now, to keep the tears from falling, but my soul can no longer take the pain.

They open, and I cry, my last tears for you.

Promise myself I will never let this happen again.

I pick up the phone and dial the number… never achieving the courage to press the call button, I put the phone down again.

Walk to the mirror in the bathroom, look at the droopy eyed, sleep deprived thing staring back.

I yell out to the world,"You told me you would never cause me this much pain! I can only hope you can one day feel what I feel, right now."

I pick up the blade, and with one sure clean cut,
release….

New Year...New Challenges

So we start a new year...a new decade has finally come and I am trying to look upon it with bright eyes. 2009 leaves me with loads of unforgettable moments that have forever changed my life. From love, to travels, and of course sickness I start 2010 a little heavy hearted.

I can't help but remember how easy it was before, I had my parents to rely on, didn't have to worry about anything but a mere $200 a month, and now that has gone up almost 500%.

Not to say my parents aren't helping me anymore but they too are seeing it difficult, I don't know if this might make me seem naive that I have had it pretty well before and didn't really see a struggle when it came to finances but I am really having a hard time with the fact that I am broke.

One of the things that really got to me, was this Christmas, Last year I spent about $1,600 on Xmas gifts, I had adopted 3 families for the Dear Santa program with the post office and gave gifts to my friends and fam, and decided to buy things for me at the thrift store and extremely discounted clearance items. Why? Because it made me feel good to see the smiles of the kids faces when they actually got what they had asked for.

What did I do this year? NOTHING, I barely had enough money to buy the one gift for my family secret santa.

I don't know if this makes me seem immature, but I just needed to rant a little bit. I hate this feeling of not being able to do anything. 2010, I really need you to bring me a little bit of that good karma my way, all I need is a little pick me up, especially with my health.

An update on THAT issue, so far I haven't been feeling worse, but I haven't been feeling all that great either, BUT that's not bad news, It means the medicine seems to be stopping the bad joo-joo. Wish me luck, first blood test on Monday!

Hope this year brings all my loved ones closer together, Love you guys a whole lot. Thanks for taking the time to read this. MUAH!

Guitar Hero

So I went to Jon Jones' house, to play guitar hero. It was pretty much amazingly fun!
When i first started like the first 3 songs I failed miserably, like only 16% completed...its sucked ass hahaha. But I started to get the hang of it, it was REALLY fun, and the music is awesome too.
lol we then played this duck game where you had to get all the little duckies and make them into this hole...lol without like jumping off the edges and shit..hahah hella like 2nd grade but fun as hell...lol
Amelia didnt do too well with guitar hero...lol unless she magically got better when i left...lol

I cant wait to play again i had a BLAST!!!

THANKS JON!

Arcenio's Mom's Message to friends and family

Hello to everyone,I'm emailing everyone that love and loved Arcenio. The reason is because the last days of trail for James Ambler (the driver) is coming up soon and I would like everyone that Arcenio touched, loved, and made there life change since He left us please mark on your calender the Pre- trail date Jan. 22, 2008 @ 1:00 pm, dept.2 and the trail date Jan.29, 2008@ 8:30 am dept 4 both trails are located @ Scamento Superior Court 790 9th Street, Sacramento, CA. Please take no offense to what I might say, but those who do get offended I do apologize and if you can come please do for Arcenio's love. The love that we all (had) have for Arcenio we all should show up for the pre- trail and trail to show the district attorney, the state of CA, and the judge that Arcenio had FAMILY and friends in his life that he touched, that loved him, and was extremely hurt when He was taken from us all. If we all stick together like family and together as family for Arcenio in the Pre- trail and trail that allows the judge to see that he wasn't just another black young child that didn't mean nothing or no one cared or loved Arcenio so please try and look deep down in your hearts and remember how Arcenio meant to you all. He loved us all and I know you all loved him. The DA said that if Arcenio had more than just a mother (always there alone) and a sister and a brother and a niece and auntie that showed up one time is not enough to prove that Arcenio is Truly missed by family and friends. The more that shows up the better it is to let the judge, state of CA, and the jury see that Arcenio death touched many lives and left many family and friends behind and that he was not just a another young black man that didn't mean anything to he's family and friends so please mark your calenders and be there for Arcenio (If the shoe was on the other foot Arcenio would have been there for you.) My love to you all and I'm sorry if I offended any one.Bastana